It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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