Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
