I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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