You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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