Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
