How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
