Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
