Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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