it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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