Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

(973): View more from New Jersey

That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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(630): View more from Illinois

He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

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(757): View more from Virginia

She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I learned so much in Pittsburgh

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