i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
