sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
