i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
