Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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