why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
