Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
