Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
