hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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