Ambien. No doubt about it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And then he peed in my hair
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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