guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
