I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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