Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
