Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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