did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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