If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
