ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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