so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
