Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
