I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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