Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
