I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's the barista slut.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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