i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
