Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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