I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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