it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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