Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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