I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think your dad took our porno
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
