Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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