I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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