Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
