i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
