If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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