im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
