We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
