Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
