we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
