adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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