thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
