You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
