I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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