i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize