ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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