it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
