You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
