They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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