I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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