Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
