Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
