hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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