He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
