Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
