I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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