The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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