I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're a waste of cheezeits
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
