the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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