i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
