ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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