a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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