if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
