Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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