I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
