this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
