Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
