so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and she was petting her beer can
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
