thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
